Dear Jennifer,

I really enjoyed reading your paper, even though there were some aspects mission from your paper. Your claim is plausible and reasonable and you were able to identify what it is the entertainment industry should fix. You were also able to show why this was an issue that many people should find a reason to care about. Overall your first paragraph was a very good one, besides some spelling errors.

You were also able to use a correct argumentative method. You showed your understanding of the research and did very well to explain how that affects society and the film industry. The main issue with the next few paragraphs, is that you show no quotations. Every is paraphrased, making it seem as if you just making this up to prove your claim. It might also make the reader think that you did not do research at all. When writing in this matter, you should use a balance between paraphrasing and quotations. You also kept repeating the same issues, such as latina women being oversexalized. You should continue that thought in the first paragraph that you mentioned the issue or directly after, to not switch up topics too fast. You also did not give much information on the counterclaim and should add more of an insight to how the opposing side thinks.

Finally the counter is perfect. It grabbed my attention again and synthesized all the previously mentioned information and brought it all together in one last concluding sentence. The one thing I would add is that you should associate all the information back to its original source.

 

Sincerely,

Justin Guzman